Unexpected Aftershocks...

Over the last few weeks as we have left our family in on AJ's health, I would say that, overall, it didn't go exactly as I expected. In general, that is a good thing! I was afraid to hope for the best so I anticipated the worst - not in that our family wouldn't accept it or him, but just that it would take some time to work through the issues, educate, etc.

And don't get me wrong - I'm not completely naive. We still have a ways to go there. But overall, everyone was very open and accepting. We still have one left to go (had been holding out for an in-person discussion, but doesn't look like it'll happen...) but I don't expect anything different there.

What did end up happening was something I didn't really fully anticipate - the sheer sadness.

Now, Drew and I have been working through our feelings on HIV since the moment we decided to adopt from Ethiopia. You simply cannot adopt from Africa and not consider the horrors this disease has had on the continent as a whole. This was all too real when I read Melissa Fay Greene's book, There is No Me Without You. Greene does an excellent job of making the HIV/AIDS crisis, and its effect on the children of Africa, come alive. In reading that months ago, I had to deal with the sadness, the anger, the sheer frustration of the unfairness of it all.

Once we decided to consider whether we could adopt an HIV+ child, we began revisiting those feelings. But we had moved past those initial emotions. It is unfair - but the issue at this point was what we were going to do about it. So although I still feel much sadness, anger, and frustration about it all, those feelings aren't at the forefront of my mind.

In telling my sister in particular, these feelings came back up. for the first time, our families have had to truly internalize the sadness and the unfairness of it all. Before, they just knew we had a child coming home (a "healthy" one at that) and sure they know that AIDS may have touched his life in some way. But it is a much bigger jump to now know that HE has HIV - he personally will suffer the injustice of it all. After much discussion and assurances that he will be okay... the sadness was still there.

And it breaks my heart. for my family that already loves him enough to cry for him. And most importantly for him - who has been at an orphanage for over a year because no one wanted to adopt him. Even though hundreds of families are waiting in line for "healthy" children exactly his age.

But you have to move past that sadness and anger. Because AJ is coming home to us - his forever family. As much as I love him, if I had the power I would bring his mother back. I would erase the stigma that still exists in Africa (as well as the developed world...) that prevented his neighbors from being willing to continue to care for him. I would not rip him from his culture and country.

But, I don't have that power. And so I will love him. And take care of him. And give him the life he deserves. He is a "healthy" child. And we want him. He is our son. And he will be loved.