Wednesday, October 24, 2007

"Ethiopia! Does that mean they are African-American?"

So, decided to follow up this looooong absence with another post! See our big news here though!!!

Anyways, I really wanted to share this story, but I don't know if my personal, non-anonymous blog is a good spot. So I guess it will go here where no one will read it. ;) Such is life.

Yesterday I worked in another one of our offices and had luck with a few people in my group from that office. One I am very good friends with and she was asking me about the adoption process and how things were going. Eventually the whole group was involved in the conversation, which was fine (it's not a secret or anything - well, at least not the general adoption part!) Anyways, an older man that I've worked with on several occasions asked me the ages of the children I was adopting.

when I told him 3 and 5 he shook his head, very matter of factly and stated something along the lines of "That's too bad, it is too late for them." Very surprised by this comment and not wishing to pursue it, I sort of ignored it and let it go. Unfortunately, it came up again and another woman at the table proceeded to sort of debate this issue with him (her opinion was they were still very long and it was not "too late" - whatever that means!)

Then, and I wish I could remember the exact words, he said something about their "moral fiber" being "set" and there was nothing that could change it (obviously assuming it was 'set' in a negative way). It eventually got very very awkward and everyone got quiet and lunch sort of broke up.

to be honest, I didn't really say much in response to this man's ignorance. That was probably due to a few reasons. (1) he is my superior and that could be awkward (2) I was so surprised I really didn't know what to say, and (3) I didn't feel like anything I could say would make a damn bit of difference. It wasn't worth my time and effort. But I'm sorry that I let it go with nothing more than, "well, we are excited."

Oh, and intermixed in this conversation, the woman (who was debating with the man) asked me, "So, Ethiopia. Does this mean they are African-American?" She seemed to have very good intentions and was obviously seeking a "PC" way to ask me if I was adopting black children. But it was very weird. The woman next to her laughed and said (very accurately) "Well, they will be!"

All in all, very odd, disappointing conversation.

I forget, since we really have had a great deal of support, that there are so many people out there with very negative, antiquated, uninformed views about adoption. And it amazes me that people have no problem sharing those feelings. Most of the time I just ignore it - why should I let it bother me? But it is a reminder how hard things might be for my babies when they do come home. Ignorance is alive and well. Even in (especially in?) the highly educated...

We're Filed!

Okay, if there is anyone out there who still bothers to check this - so sorry I haven't posted! It's funny, I think I really missed me good window to write this blog. The real good posts, the time I really needed to pour out my heart about the HIV issue - that was all back in April, May and June. Before we decided to adopt AJ or Helen. Nonetheless, perhaps there is still something to share. But I'm kicking myself now for not keeping a journal during that time...

MORE IMPORTANTLY - We have great news! We found out yesterday that our case was filed in Ethiopia! That means that (hopefully!) we'll know our court date in about 10 days, that the date will be by the end of November (hope hope hope) and we might actually still travel by the end of the year!

A few months ago I was SO sure we'd have our kids home before Christmas. But once the court oopened and weeks passed with no news, I really lost all hope. And still no guaranties. In fact, if we are LUCKY we'll actually be IN Ethipia for Christmas. Kind of a crazy thought.

I know Lulu will not be happy if we leave her for Xmas. But I think that may have a great deal to do with her concern that Santa won't find her at Uncle Chuck's. Hopefuly all of that will be a non-issue.

We are so excited! Still months away, but feels so much better to know something. This was a big step for us - can't wait until we have more to share!!!